I'm not - not moving on

I was trying to explore myself. Know how I really am.Am I contented, gloomy? I have erudite to move on. Yes today I hate these words
“Move on”. I moved on everything. Once I thought that’s the way to live
Keep moving on and things would be fine. And yes they were.
But now when I look back, there are so many things I wish I could change.

I’m writing not for a blog, I think I’m talking to myself. I wanted to talk, talk to someone but is there anyone who would understand me better than me myself, someone who would listen to my heart, not as a story but as my feelings?


Yes, today I’m sad, very sad just like I have been always but today I don’t want to move on. I want to halt and ask myself – from what I have been running. I want answers but I know at the end I will move on or can I win over myself?

We all fear, fear from something – that something is within us and we keep running from ourselves. We go out, socialize, meet people and make ourselves so tired before coming home that we just sleep so that we are not alone as we all are scared to face ourselves. I always have two voices within me. One voice question me for every wrong thing I do, other ask me to move on. May be that is how I’m.

Now I want to stop. I had enough of running. I want to sort old things and only then move on. I know I will. This time I will. This time I’m not scared to be alone - I’m ready to face myself. It’s just one voice within me this time.

I ran places to hide, hide from myself – this time it’s me and only me. I ran for dependency, for people to help me – I didn’t know I was strong. Today it’s different. The path I’ve taken is new. I feel good. I’m smiling. Smiling from my heart – I‘d lost this smile ages back.
I would come back as a winner. I’m going to win this time – I’m going to sort out.. I’m not moving on – I’m not moving on.